I sat in my car this morning, fresh, hot, cup of coffee in hand. I’d dropped my kids at school, the second time in nearly 6 months. Staring out the window, the grey clouds stretched out across the sky. A light rain was falling, sounding really loud on the windshield. The rain itself wasn’t that loud, but the extreme quiet of everything else was. “What am I doing? And where am I going?” “What are my marching orders for the day?” In my rush to get out the door, I hadn’t really thought about it. I had a couple of hours until my first appointment, so I pulled over into a parking lot and sat in stillness. I think those questions, “What am I doing? And where am I going? They don’t just encompass today, but encompass the uncertainty of the not knowing ahead. We know of life before corona virus, and we wonder if/when life will return to “normal”, but for now we live in this in between space of, “what do we do now?” and “how long will this last?” It’s true for myself, it’s true for a number of people I have talked to, and it may be true for you as well.
Here are some simple, but practical steps you can take to help. Name what is going on. What do you feel about living in the not knowing and the uncertainty? Many times when I ask this question I get answers of, “I’m confused, or I feel anxious.” When we have confusion, we have a lack of clarity. When we lack clarity, life is scary. When life is scary many times we either deny it or minimize it (generally because we judge ourselves), when we do this our body’s physiological response is anxiety. Instead of denying it or minimizing it, speak it out loud to someone who sees you, knows you, and can be with you in it. Just sharing you are fear will lessen it. You are not on this journey alone.
Stay in today. For today the mask mandate is still in order, for today my kids are meeting face to face in school, for today I am meeting with clients, writing a blog, and sending out newsletters. That’s all I need to know, is what today brings. “Do not worry about tomorrow, as today has enough worries of its own”, Matthew 6:34. When I start future tripping, “What happens if school closes again?” “How will this impact my kids?” “What if I get the coronavirus?” What if…(you fill in the blank)”, I am borrowing trouble from tomorrow. I am not saying, don’t ever plan, but I am saying worrying about tomorrow continues to build anxiety, which continues the spinning, which continues the anxiety, which just continues the spiral. And the lie becomes, “if I could just get control of or if I could just know I would be okay.” The truth is learning how to live in the mystery, the not knowing, and being ok. We are not in control, there is a God who is, and do I have the willingness to render over (surrender) how unmanageable life feels.
Take the next step. Just the next step. The next step doesn’t have to be some big, grandiose step either. The next step could be, “I need to use the bathroom” or “I have not eaten today, I need something to eat” or “I am realizing I am spinning in anxiety and need to talk to someone”.
These times are uncertain. It’s okay not to have it figured out, and you aren’t alone.
If you find yourself struggling with anxiety, finding yourself stuck, or want help on your journey, we can help. You can reach out to be.sentlife@gmail.com or go to www.be-sent.life for more information.